Scary (and Good) Things, Honesty and Asking for What You Need

This is the first public check-in I have written since creating “College Goals.” A lot as happened in these first few weeks, some good and the rest requiring reflection.

Starting with some of the scary stuff:

  • I had to ride home in the dark… Moment of truth here, I am afraid of the dark and hate being by myself when I am going somewhere at night. However, with my ride through the dark, I felt very calm which may have resulted from being on a bike and having a headlamp.
  • Pushing myself to make genuine connections with other people is very hard for me. I have found that I often prefer to eat on my own or sit quietly with others while I observe. In order to make more connections, I do need to attempt some deeper conversations with others.

On Honesty:

  • I signed up for some clubs and after going to a few of the meetings, I discovered some I truly enjoyed and others which did not have my attention or passion. In asking to step away from these groups I chose not to make an excuse such as “My schedule is too busy for this.” or “I have other obligations.” and instead practice honesty using phrases like “My passion lies elsewhere right now.” and “I am not being fulfilled by this activity.” I am still waiting for a response to this honesty.

Asking for what you need:

  • Normally when I ask for what I need, I am asking others. However, I have found recently I am instead asking myself. In a way this is a revelation; The idea that only I have the power to grant my desires and when I am not caring for myself it falls squarely on me, is like having a loose tooth. It is something to play with and find out where I can go with the idea that I am self fulfilling.

The Good Things!

  • I bought my own climbing gear and am belay certified. I have started to make some friends within the climbing community here.
  • I am attempting to start a Swing, Blues Fusion Dance Club.
  • I am keeping to my personal goals of exercising 3 times a week. Yesterday involved a 15 mile bike ride and the day before I climbed for 1.5 hour. Go me!
  • Riding a bike in a skirt is something I can do. This pleases me to no end.
  • I am in the process of applying to be a mentor for Gunnison Valley Mentors, a big brother/big sister program.

Cheers to all. Thanks to those of you who have checked in with me about my goals and are helping keep me on track! Love to you all.

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